I’m a 31 year old man and I last saw my father when I was 18. Prior to that one evening, I hadn’t seen him since I was about 12. Needless to say, the man wasn’t a big part of my life for the majority of it to date, but the specter of him was always there. I never really knew what to say when people asked about him, or inquired about my family. I would always reply that I didn’t have a father cause it was easier that way.
A few months ago my mother received a call from an old family friend, who wanted to let us know that my father was in a hospital, gravely ill and about to lose some toes. This came as a huge shock… for one thing, hearing that he was alive after 12 years was a surprise, but also that he was living in a city that I frequented often and possibly could have run into was bizarre.
My sister and I were given the opportunity to connect with him, something that we both turned down. After not hearing from or seeing the man in 12 years, neither one of us felt any sort of connection or desire to meet. At this point, he was the donor, not our father. I was a little confused, not knowing whether I should attempt to establish a relationship, call him to tell him off, or just let the past lie. In the end, I made my choice and I don’t regret it, but today’s news was strange.
I’m his next of kin. I imagine my sister and I will be the ones who make the decisions on what happens to him. I’m not sure what occurs in situations like this; do his siblings get priority? My sister and I? I’m not sure. I don’t know if I have to fly out there and claim him. Do I have to pay for a funeral? Does he deserve one? Does he have friends, loved ones that I do not know? Am I going to hear stories of a man that I don’t know? So far it’s been surreal. Right now I kinda wish I had at least made an attempt to reconnect, but then I remember 12 years and 5 years prior to that, were I had no clue and that is a painful thought.
His name was John Alexander Schmitt. I do not remember his birthday or how old he is supposed to be. I’m sure I will learn this soon enough.
Here’s to you Dad. May you rest in peace and thanks for closing an unfinished chapter in my life.
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